Casual Body Shaming in Family

13 min readDec 18, 2020

“What’s the age difference between you and your sister?” 8 years.

“Really? You look like a kid. You’re going to face a lot of problems. Work on yourself. Who’s going to marry you?”

I am 25. I am 5’3". I am short, lean, and average looking. Every time there is a family gathering; I am exposed to different questions or commentary that involves my age, body, and the challenges I will face to get married. Most of the people “trying to help” are my close relatives. They are worried about me, obviously! They are curious about my diet and my wardrobe. “It must be difficult for you to find your size in the women section. Do you shop from the kids section? I have noticed that you eat healthy. Where is all this food going though? Haha!” Funny! The casual comments, suggestions, and advices are unwanted. Some of them will convey their detailed concern and ask me direct questions about my body type. “What’s your breast size? Wear a padded bra na. Eat dates or raw rice. It works.” I did not ask for the unsolicited advice but they already have the questionnaire and solutions to your ‘flaws’ ready. They will go on and explain how no man is ever going to like a girl with not so fuller breasts because of course; wooing or impressing a man is the whole point of my life!

I am absolutely comfortable with my body and the way I look. However, it has not been an easy journey. When you don’t tick the requirements of an ‘ideal woman’, there is a lot you struggle with on regular basis. And right as you come in terms with it, decide to embrace yourself, walk down the road of low confidence, and dodge all the insecurities, a relative/friend will be waiting at the end of the path to pass a statement that drags you back to point A. Then you start over again, over and over again. Your self-esteem is assassinated by that one “casual comment” and it takes everything to get it back. When I was 17, I was really slim. My well-wishers wanted me to gain weight as I ‘looked frail’. I started eating abnormally; eating anything I could get my hands on. I gained weight. I remember being called a “football” when I was slightly overweight, and now that I have shed some kilos, I am ‘tiny’, and I do not have the suitable body for a 25-year old woman. No matter how you look, they will make you feel bad about yourself. You just need to exist, have a body, and the shame will follow.

Commenting on your style is another tactic example of your shortcomings. “What are you wearing? You should try long dresses/tops; they will make you look taller.” Aww!

Casual body-shaming is a disease. While fat-shaming is pointed out immediately, the remarks on weight loss and thinness go unnoticed, because in a society like ours it is perceived as something everybody should aim for. “You’re slim already. You would have been fine if you were a bit taller or if you had better curves.” The latest trend is the replacement of the word ‘fat’ with ‘healthy’. “No, not fat yaar. You’re a bit healthy.” It is equally detrimental. Being healthy has nothing to do with being fat/slim; being thin has nothing to do with beauty. There is nothing like a perfect body fgs.

“Your parents, your siblings, they are all tall yaar. How come you short?” Good question. But at this age, my closet, hair, and life are a mess. Do you think I have time to care about something that I cannot change? I need to clean my room!

Adding to my misery are my other defects. The visible one is a pair of round specs on my face. I am myopic. This is the new addition to the shaming field and it took me some time to identify this as negative. The constant bickering about surgery is undesirable. “You must get rid of these glasses. Get a surgery done. The glasses do not look good on your face (they look really cute tho) and it’s not good for a woman to rely on spectacles all the time. Because, again, WHO IS GOING TO MARRY YOU?” I will really prefer dying single rather than being with someone who doesn’t think my glasses are cute!

The unfortunate part is that most of it comes from women. Women, who make sure to drag you down in a confrontational or overt way, shame often disguised as a compliment or a suggestion. They do not feel guilty about it because they are trying to “help”. The conversations mostly target your lowest points, that you may not necessarily consider weak but the beauty-based social framework does. They are going to ask questions; pass statements like they are under some moral obligation to help you. No matter what you do in life or what you’ve done, your entire existence comes down to these questions/statements of physical appearance and ultimately marriage. It is toxic to face criticism for a body that falls below the social standards of beauty. The unrealistic expectations and the enormous pressure to look a certain way, contributes to immense amount of low confidence. It takes years to let go of the negativity and insecurities. Let’s not normalize casual body-shaming.

I cannot afford to be looked down at because of something that’s not in my control. Do not let people get away with “haha, jk yaar. You’re beautiful.” My body is neither your business nor a thing to gossip about. Please, stop worrying. I am doing fine.

I do not need help, you do!

Casual Body Shaming in Family

Written by ghopa-ghop